I Was Just…Shaving. “Shaving, Harry?”

Woah. Five days between postings, you’d think I finally discovered what many of us rocket scientists are searching far and wide for:

The solution to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle? (Heh, think about that. Dude comes up with this idea that our little itty bitty bits are random and he becomes the idol of millions of teenage AP Chemistry students worldwide. I love ‘Merica…or, uh, Germany.)

No ma’am, a social life. And all in due time, because apparently I need to be exploring the various sorts of off-hours activity that MBAs enjoy. Here’s a sampling of some of the major themes I’ve observed amongst my fellow appy applicants (I’ll be using a sliding “Return on Investment” and “Likelihood of Occurring” scale to gauge my own interest [0=Money is being stolen from me for participating!/I’d be caught stealing Riesens from the elderly before doing this; 10=”Goldmine, Trebek!”/I’ve already joined the alumni club of this activity, I’m so on it!])

To add a little flavor, I’m also including an appropriate theme song for each activity, but I’ll be doing so from the oh-so-hallowed collection of our FAVORITE musician from the 206….Sir Mix-A-Lot.


I don’t even pretend to know how to roll that way, Sir.

1. Hitting on Undergrads (A.K.A. Baby Got Back)

Uh.

Pardon me, but when I was 22, I barely even knew what an MBA was, and NOW I discover that the average duder pursuing one is 30. Pastors and friends alike have confirmed I will never enter a Dirty Old Man phase, and I sure don’t wanna start now. Friends are fun, though, and I always enjoyed escaping campus for the occasional sorority barndance…
ROI: 1.5 (+/- .6 depending on the quality of boda bag distributed by said barndance)
Likelihood: -1 (Ungh)

2. Crash-a-Class Road Trips (A.K.A. Jump on It)

COVERT!

While discussing future aspirations, a fellow applicant and I solidified our plan to barnstorm Jeffrey Sachs’ class on Globalthermonuclear War and Other Stuff over Fall Break (*knock on bamboo, wood, et. al*). Since we both have some kind of documented Secret Platonic Man-Crush(TM) for the fella, we don’t think he’ll mind. Plus, this could turn into some kind of cult following only the UM Patriots have acquired.
ROI: 8.75 (+/- .4 based on quality of peanuts provided by JetBlue enroute to NYC)
Likelihood: 9 (Yeup!)

3. Attending local Farmer’s Markets/stumping at Value Village (A.K.A. Swap Meet Louie)

Look, I ran out of famous Mix-a-Lot songs, okay?! I couldn’t find a good complement to “Buttermilk Biscuits”! Er, kaff, um…I like food, and Berkeley (downtown) and Ann Arbor (Kerrytown) both have faaaantastic ones. On the side, I’ll find rice cookers for $1.50 at the thrift store…yay!
ROI: 6 (+/- .8 based on abundance of Osh Kosh B’Gosh clothing available at Value Village and tenderness of the grapefruit[…])
Likelihood: 10 (Gotta eat somehow…)

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