BREAKING NEWS: Michigan’s Business School to Host Kickball Admissions Tournament

(Reposted from BW forums because I’d rather not submit you all to the black hole it becomes once you subscribe)

ANN ARBOR, MI (AP) — In a stunning move, The Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan anounced today a revised protocol to its 2009 MBA admissions process. 

Cited by an unnamed source close to the public university as “the ideal harmonizing of fairness, heartbreak, and action-based learning”, a single-elimination kickball tournament will be held at an undisclosed location and date.  The secrecy behind such a tournament, the source said, was to accommodate the confusion faced by many applicants on the sharp drop in admissions interview invitations compared to previous years.

“We realized that a large portion of our applicants are arriving into interviews with an inability to remove the ‘death grip’ from their mouses, keyboards, and other semi-animate objects clutched while reading the Business Week forums,” the source stated.  “So, we figured that kickball, being one of the greatest sports ever devised besides curling and table tennis, would be an ideal way to relieve some tension and find us some ideal candidates in the process.”

The tournament rules, obtained exclusively by The Associated Press, certainly will not come without some sort of controversy.  Rule 1.a states that “Round 1,Round 2 and Round 3 applicants, including those with notification already received on their admissions decision, will create teams of ten” and will compete in a grandiose, bracket style tournament that some bloggers are already calling “MBA Mayhem 2007”.  Some Round 1 admits were seen burning large, rubber kickballs in effagy after discovering their place in the 2009 class was being put on hiatus — for now.

When pressed further about the issue of fairness to Round 1 admits, the source shrugged his shoulders.  “Shouldn’t every contributing student be able to play kickball?  I mean…we’re a football school, and kickball is pretty darn close, wouldn’t you say? Kick is to foot as throw is to hand!”

Rumors of the kickball tournament swirled around the Ross campus early today.  It is believed current students, designated as MBA1s and MBA2s, will receive confidential invitations to either serve as spectators, announcers, referees, or what Rule 2.e considers the “Designated Taunting Section”.  In one of several study lounges makeshift brackets were being created, akin to similar office pools running during the NCAA Final Four. 

One anonymous student quipped, “I’m a little jealous, admittedly, so I hope I get a spot in the taunting section.  On the other hand, I think curling woulda been more painful for the applicants than an interview, so I’m glad the AdCom wanted to go easy on them.  It’s rough out there!”

Rumors that the kickball tournament will host as an alternate tryout for walk-on kickers for the Michigan football team are unfounded.


One Response to BREAKING NEWS: Michigan’s Business School to Host Kickball Admissions Tournament

  1. […] (Note: This post should be taken with the same seriosity…seriousness…seriousism as this…much love to my homies over in the CA crib […]

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